


idk man

by wizardslexicon



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, grody shit yo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 07:46:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5120531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wizardslexicon/pseuds/wizardslexicon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wrote this while drunk. I am so, so sorry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	idk man

“Karkat,” Jade said, seriously. “We should definitely skip the exposition.” Karkat agreed.

  
“We should fuck heartily,” Karkat replied. He removed his pants. He swore a lot while he did this, because he is Karkat Vantas and that’s how he fucking rolls.

  
Jade took off her skirt. Her vagina was very wet. Karkat thought it was weird because troll vaginas (nooks) like gushed fluid and human vajayjays were relatively vanilla by comparison. He poked it gently. Jade gasped.

  
“Fuck you, Karkat,” she said. “My vagina is not one of those stupid little plastic toy domes that you squish down and then let pop back up.” Karkat was sorry.

  
“I’m sorry,” he said, projecting sorrow. “God, I am so sorry.” He cried a little bit. Jade wiped away his tears. She also rubbed a little bit of vaginal fluid into his cheek. Karkat licked it, tasting salt on his sensitive troll tongue. He smiled.

  
“You like that?” she asked, in as kinky a fashion as she could manage. “Your sadness turns me on.” She said that because Karkat’s an insecure piece of shit and she didn’t want him to feel bad for failing to turn her on in any literal way. Karkat didn’t realize this.  
“Yes,” he said, and ate her pussy. He didn’t get the idiomatic use of the phrase “eat pussy” so he literally consumed her genitals. Jade came anyway, then used her space powers to reconstruct and replace her genitalia.

  
“Good shit,” said Jade. “Just how I like it.” Karkat grinned. Her blood was on his teeth. It blended in with his saliva. He stood up and Jade knelt down, it was like the movement of a pair of pistons. Jade sucked Karkat’s troll dick (bulge). He came down her throat. It was like half a bucket full, so she drowned, but since Jade is god tier and dying via cum asphyxiation isn’t heroic or just, she just resurrected.

  
“Hell yes. Die on my dick, bitch,” said Karkat. Jade made a callout post using her laptop, because her space powers can do anything. She called Karkat out on using a sexist slur in a sexual context. She posted it on tumblr and got 300,000 notes. Karkat was declared officially problematic. He was doxxed and got hate mail from thousands of people. Jade’s stomach rumbled. Alien jizz is hard on the digestives.

  
They fucked briefly, and it was beautiful. Shortly thereafter the author wrote some expository bullshit, the reader had an orgasm, and everyone went home happy.


End file.
